DEPRESSION || BIRTHDAY EMOTIONS

Depression || Birthday Emotions

DEPRESSION ||BIRTHDAY EMOTIONS

I decided to write this post because I am having a sleepless night. My emotions are just all over the place and I can’t help but weep.

It was my birthday a few hours ago (yesterday), obviously I turned a year older. To everyone, birthdays are meant to be one of the happiest days of your life. You’re to be all hyped up, jumpy, screaming with joy and be all glows and all. Nope, that’s not what it is for me. It’s happens to be the exact opposite.

Every year for the past God knows how many years, I tend to cry on my birthdays. I get very depressed and unhappy, why? I’m sure there’s a thousand and one reasons for that. I withdraw from people, from family, from friends and from the world. An obvious act of depression.

Yes yes people call in to wish and send in their best birthday wishes and regards and all of that, after that, that’s pretty much what it is. I’m glad some remember my birthday and obviously, a good number of people don’t, it’s okay, it will pass.

On this day, I sit and remember all the horrible things that have happened in the past. I also noticed that things go wrong when my birthday is just around the corner, maybe that’s just all in my head. I think about all these horrible things, I think about things I’m supposed to have achieved and I haven’t. Places I’m meant to be in life and I’m not and these just keep tears rolling down my eyes. This happened yesterday, I cried all through the day and just kept wishing the day would be skipped or it should just come to an end.

I don’t know how to get out of this or get myself to feel better. Yes, I know there’s a lot to be happy about, especially the fact that I’m alive and all. Don’t get me wrong, I really am grateful for that, I just get really depressed.

I need help getting past this cause it gets worse every year and I know I can’t continue this way. Being depressed year in year out is not even a joke. I feel extremely disconnected from the world. I feel like there’s something missing somewhere and I don’t even know what it is to begin with. All I do is cry day in day out. I’m scared, I’m lonely and I’m terrified I currently have no one to talk to.

I had a friend whom I opened up to but we had to cut off the relationship (friendship) because he’s girlfriend didn’t like me and wasn’t comfortable with our friendship and I totally understand but it hurts and has increased the intensity of my depression. A painful part of this whole thing, he couldn’t even drop a message to wish me a happy birthday. It’s all good though, I’ll get pass it.

This is it for me, I’m pretty sure you were expecting some happy post. I’m sorry I couldn’t provide that for you this time around. I just had to write out some of my unfiltered thoughts as it tends to be a form of therapy for me.

I hope you all understand.

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10 Comments

  1. hey dear.
    First of all,happy birthday 🎉. I wish you many more beautiful and amazing moments ahead of you.
    Secondly, trust me, i know what it feels like to feel that way; being depressed is not a matter to play with, and the sad reality is that stuffs like this don’t necessarily show in the face.
    But, you need to be strong. I can’t guarantee you that it’s going to be an easy path to seek happiness, but you really need to. Take time out to do what makes you happy; write, talk to someone, go out more .
    most times these things take over us because we feel like there’s no way out of it all; but the truth is, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
    Be thankful for life; be happy, have a reason to live life to the fullest.
    Finally, believe me when i say; you will be fine, it may not seem so at the moment , but you will be fine , way sooner than you expected .
    take care dear ❤️

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  2. Oh this post, so many memories. I knew I wasn’t the only one who has been crying every birthday for the past few years.

    Mine has to do with the crawl into adulthood, and the fear of breaking under the weight of expectations, struggles and responsibilities coming my way. I completely know how you feel, and I just want to say that it’s okay, but you can’t keep going on like this.

    The devil wants to steal your joy. We’re meant to be happy to be celebrating our birthday!

    Getting older is a privilege, but sometimes we’re so blinded by our expectations and all the things we envisioned we’d be doing, that we only are hit with the full force of disappointment when our birthday comes along. I only hope that you can find some serenity.

    Don’t pressure yourself, try and break down the goals you want, setting some for each year. Also, try to ask yourself why you’ve set that particular goal. Is it because people your age achieved such things at their age? Societal pressure? The influence of social media? I hope you find peace! Wipe your tears, you’re going places b! We’ll figure it out in the end

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    1. People expect a whole lot from me. I have so many things, so many goals I’ve set for my personal self. Everyone has me placed on extremely high grounds and I have zero room for failure or disappointments.
      This whole adulthood thing is hard. Everyone including myself just expects me to be perfect and this saddens me every time to see that I still have a lot undone.

      Thank you so much for sharing your story and the encouraging words. I do appreciate it

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  3. hey dear.
    First of all,happy birthday 🎉. I wish you many more beautiful and amazing moments ahead of you.
    Secondly, trust me, i know what it feels like to feel that way; being depressed is not a matter to play with, and the sad reality is that stuffs like this don’t necessarily show in the face.
    But, you need to be strong. I can’t guarantee you that it’s going to be an easy path to seek happiness, but you really need to. Take time out to do what makes you happy; write, talk to someone, go out more .
    most times these things take over us because we feel like there’s no way out of it all; but the truth is, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
    Be thankful for life; be happy, have a reason to live life to the fullest.
    Finally, believe me when i say; you will be fine, it may not seem so at the moment , but you will be fine , way sooner than you expected .
    take care dear ❤️
    .
    Kené

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  4. Hey Tofunmi, happy belated birthday
    You really have no choice, you have to overcome this depr5because it’s robbing you of so many things. You have to choose to be happy, It’s really not going to be easy but it will be all worth it. When you are in that “zone” try doing things that you love, go out, watch a movie , be around positive minded people. Just try avoiding been alone be in the midst of people who make you happy.
    You Will be fine. My love always

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  5. Hey love….God got you, this happens to me every year till this year on my birthday, I told my self I going to spend more time being grateful than being sad. Trust me you will be fine, this is just the wshipers of the devil telling you what your not, but remember and keep telling yourself I am who God says I am and I cannot be depressed because God is working for my God, more importantly pray for your strength

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  6. Write it out dear, let it all out. Better than bottling em all up in. Sorry you had such feelings on your birthdays.

    But if one thing is certain, its that tomorrow is another chance to turn things around for your good. So take one step at a time, go after your goals as you can and don’t beat yourself up if it takes too long. You’ll be fine dear. Be strong.

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